The Bill Gates Car

[Eric Van Tassel 101233.342@xxxxxxxx]

Many list members will have received this from other sources, but I didn't
want anyone to miss it.

For me, it came at exactly the right moment, just when I've finished doing
my bimonthly parish magazine in MS Word. (I use MSW because my printer
likes it, and I know how to do a few simple-minded DDTP-ish things in MSW
but not in XyWin.))
My procedure is to make up each page as an A5 page, then import those files
into A4 2-page spreads as they will be printed (e.g. p.28+p.1, p.2+p.27,
etc.) But Mr Gates has decided that whenever I use 12pt type in any of the
A5 pages I really secretly want 10pt type when the page is copied into A4.

Cheers
Eric Van Tassel

Subject: The Bill Gates car

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95"
or "CarNT" but then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of the
roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the doorhandle, turn the
key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand
McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them
or want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the
car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a
target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

END